Eddies start to form,
On the surface of hearts.
Most fickle, most unsteady
The moon draws maps
Across faces already lit,
In anticipation
They unravel sky's mysteries
Using a few mirrors aligned
In a little black tube
Astronomers, Cartographers,
Pioneers, Adventurers,
Young Discoverers.
Spotting the rings of Saturn,
A find worth its weight.
Three credits on the transcript
An attempt to capture the essence of my thoughts and put them in bearable prose, or worse (as the unimaginative pun indicates). Not too different from my scribbles on paper, only a lot more legible.
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- Parth
- Father. Writer. Quizzer. Movie geek. Software guy. Music lover. Cricket follower. Dessert consumer.... You get the drift. The whole is the sum of all Parths. Author of 'r2i dreams'. Join the conversation at https://www.facebook.com/r2idreams
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14 comments:
I loved it all but wish it had ended a different way. Very nice writing though...
@RTD2: Its funny you mentioned that, because I actually worked backwards on this one. The working title for this poem was 'Astronomy Class' and I started on it remembering an odd evening in Texas A&M where I had gone to an astronomy class with some friends. In my case, it was a one odd and had no bearing on credits, but I just took the concept further. Thanks for the feedback.
interesting poem.. esp liked the way it began.. the anticipation..
and then that three credits of transcript..
what about you? how did you feel? as i read in ur comment above it wasnt for your credits you did this.
actually I like it very much.. the three crdits of transcript doesnt take away from the poem.. just gives it an unusual twist.
Nice
@Mystic Rose: Thanks. Like you mentioned in the second comment, the idea WAS to give it an unusual ending.
@Pilgrim: Thanks.
liked the last line the most. so you started with the best one:)
this reminded me of a lecture I attended at IUCCA, Pune. Lotsa things about black-holes etc. found it very interesting but I remember walking out confused for many reasons.
its a lovely poem.. simple and unusual.. but then everyone is saying that. :)
~t
http://thejadetara.wordpress.com
@Sparsh: You mention Pune and astronomy and Narlikar is the first name that comes to mind.
@TheJadeTara: Thanks :-)
finally! a blog poem that doesn't sound stuck-up!
Nice end to the poem - didn't see that coming :)
@Jyothsna: Thanks. Seems like my closing lines are drawing contrasting comments.
@Rajarshi: Thanks. I seem to have met a high standard for blog poems. I am glad to hear that :-)
This was a treat for the star gazer in me, Parth! The ending is particularly memorable because it's unique, different. More poems please!
@Lotus Reads: Good to meet an star gazer who might know something about stars :-) I am stuck beyond identifying Orion's belt. Glad you liked the poem.
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